It all started off as a really bad day. I had to wake up early to go to the dentist, which I hated. And to make matters worse, I slept horribly the night before because of a huge thunder storm. So I was exhausted, scared, and angry that my mom was making me go to that ratchet dentist again.

I had really bad anxiety when it came to the dentist. I would usually break down and cry if I heard a drill in the next room. Whenever I went to the dentist, they always had bad news for me and always needed something else done other than just a routine cleaning. I hated this dentist especially because he was not gentle with my teeth and didn’t care that I had anxiety at all. I was only five years old at the time and he treated me like everything was my fault and got angry if I cried when I was scared.

I honestly think that this dentist was the one that mentally scarred me and made my anxiety much worse than it ever was. I have lately gotten my anxiety under control with the dentist and don’t have panic attacks when told bad news or about a procedure I have to go through, like getting teeth pulled or filling or even root canals.

So, it was around 9 o’clock in the morning when I arrived to the dentist office.This was around 12 years ago. My mom filled out the paperwork and now we just had to wait for me to get called back. I was just sitting there next to my mom thinking about all the bad things they could say or what they say I’m going to need to have worked on. My five year old brain was freaking out and my mom could sense it.

“Nothing bad is going to happen today hunny. We are only here for a cleaning. That’s it, I promise.”

I trusted my mom. I knew she wasn’t going to let anything happen today that was more than a cleaning. She knew how freaked out I was. I finally got called back about ten minutes later. The nurse took me to get some x-rays done of my teeth, then I went back and she cleaned my teeth, which was exactly what my mom said she was going to do. When I just got done with my cleaning, the head dentist came in and said he needed to talk to my mom about my teeth. I started to think about all the bad things he could say about my teeth, and my anxiety swallowed me up.

“Ma’am, your daughter’s teeth are rotting from the inside out. This sort of thing is very rare and usually runs in families.”

The look on my mom’s face scared me. There was no emotion on her face. That’s what got me. She didn’t even know what to say or how to react.

“What……what do we do about it?”

“She will need to undergo dental surgery where they place a layer of porcelain veneer on her teeth to protect them from rotting any worse than they already have. This procedure will strengthen until they naturally fall out and her adult teeth replace them. She will also get eight metal caps on her molars to protect those more efficiently.”

My anxiety levels shot through the roof!

“ I have to get surgery!?”

My mom tried to calm me down, but the doctor just looked at me and said yes. He told me I would be asleep during the procedure but would definitely be very sore for awhile afterwards.

They kept on talking, but I couldn’t hear anything they were saying. My brain just shut off. I couldn’t handle any more of what they had to say. After they were done talking, we walked out of the building to the car. This is the part where my memory goes blank. My mom said I cried the whole way home and she had never seen me so upset before (she still says that was my worst day for anxiety).

I remember waking up in my bed and wondering if that whole dentist appointment was a dream or reality. So, I went and asked my mom if everything was real and actually happened that morning. Sadly, she said yes and that we would figure everything out later.

This whole traumatic experience at the dentist has shown the weak side of my anxiety and rendered me cautious ever since then. This experience showed me that with all the dark things that could happen to heighten my anxiety, my family will always be there to keep me sane. My family is my ground.